


Alone

by Anonymous



Category: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: Age Play, Angst with a Happy Ending, Antoni-centric, Baby!Antoni, Background - Freeform, Backstory, Bad Eating Habits, Crying, Daddy!Karamo, Gen, Kid!Johnny, Non-Sexual Age Play, Papa!Tan, Present Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 20:44:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16502405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Antoni doesn’t do well on his own.





	Alone

Antoni doesn’t do well on his own.

He should really be better at it by now.  He’s in his thirties, and his parents started leaving him alone as soon as he could take care of himself.  Probably before, really.  He’s trying though.  He makes himself real dinners even when there’s no company to cook for.  He limits his Netflix binges.  If there’s nothing else to do, he sets an alarm to workout in the morning and calls it an early night.

He spends a lot of evenings in the bath though.  He likes baths.  Occasionally, he’ll put on some music and bring a book in with him, but mostly he just dumps soap in and entertains himself with the bubbles.  It’s childish, but Antoni has long since given up on shaming himself out of such habits.  As long as no one else is around, he figures there’s no harm.

 Antoni’s always been a little babyish.  He watches TV shows he’s too old for, and he’s painfully attached to his blanket.  He cries too much.  He plays too much.  He’s always just a little _too much._

It doesn’t bother him as much as it used to.  He’s learned that when he tries to lock it away, he gets self-destructive.  It was never a conscious thing, but the drinking and the drugs had always come when he was trying to act more adult.  When he indulges, he eats well and exercises more. 

It helps that Johnny is kind of childish too.  He acts like a high-strung six year old on set half the time, but no one seems to mind.  Johnny isn’t insecure about it either.  Antoni is.

Something’s changed lately though.  He walked in on Johnny coloring in the floor and had backed himself halfway out of the room before he realized Bobby was sitting on the couch.  He’d heard Karamo—of all people—insist that Johnny eat more than gummy bears for lunch.  And then there was what he’d heard Johnny call Tan today.

_Papa._

Antoni wasn’t jealous.  He was almost glad for Johnny to have someone to help look after him.  Antoni felt like he needed that too sometimes.  Somedays, he wished there was someone to stop his second run through of Curious George and put him to bed.  Someone to sit there with him until he fell asleep when the room felt a little too big.  Someone to knock on the bathroom door when he’d been in the tub too long.

But he’s doing okay.  Antoni knows he goes through rough patches sometimes when his apartment seems emptier than usual and the evenings alone seem longer than usual.  He just has to ride it out without going back to any bad habits.  He’s still exercising and cooking himself at least one real meal a day.  So what if the other two are protein shakes and graham crackers?

After nearly an hour in the bath, Antoni drains the water and gets ready for bed.  They were shooting tomorrow, which was good.  He liked to stay busy when it was a rough patch.  It was just interviews though, so he wouldn’t have as much to do as he did on days with the hero.

He’s off all day though, and his face gets redder with every retake they have to do.  Finally, Tan intervenes.

“Antoni, why don’t we take a little break?” the older man asks.  The crew is agreeing before he can respond, and Antoni feels the heat from his face spread all the way up to his ears.  “Let’s get you a snack.  You’re looking a little peckish.”

“I’m fine,” Antoni mumbles, but he follows anyway.  He’d had a protein shake that morning, before he did cardio.  That was usually enough to keep him going for longer than this.

“Just humor me, honey,” Tan says.  He gets Antoni into a chair before he gets him an apple juice from the vending machine and a sleeve of graham crackers from his own bag.

“I don’t know why you like those so much, boobers,” Johnny says, crinkling his nose while he watches Antoni eat.  Antoni stays quiet and thinks about dipping graham crackers into a jar of peanut butter during the summers he spent alone at home as a kid.

The sugar helps, and he makes it through the rest of the day without incident.  His hands are shaking again by the time he’s gathering his belongings to go home.  It slows him down enough for Karamo to approach him.

“Why don’t you come with us tonight?” Karamo asks.  He doesn’t specify what they’re doing or where they’re going.

“Us?”

“Yeah,” Karamo says.  “Me, Tan, and Johnny.”

Antoni wants to, he really does, but he can feel that he’s going to go to pieces as soon as his apartment door shuts behind him.  He knows that an hour from now, he’ll be on the couch, thumb in his mouth, blanket spread over him, _Lilo and Stitch_ on TV.  It’s an inevitability at this point, and he doesn’t want to ruin whatever Tan, Johnny, and Karamo have going.

“I gotta…” Antoni trails off.  His mouth is dry, and he wishes he had cash to get another juice from the vending machine.  “I gotta…”

“I understand,” Karamo says.  He smiles softly, like he understands too much.  “Some other time.”

“Yeah,” Antoni agrees reflexively, pulling his bag onto his shoulder jerkily.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Antoni doesn’t make it to setting his alarm though.  He passes out on the couch with his second cartoon still on TV.  When he wakes up—an hour after he should have been on set—he can’t bring himself to get up.  He doesn’t feel any bigger than he did last night.  His phone is just out of reach—vibrating on the coffee table.  That was probably what woke him, the guys spamming to see where he was.  Antoni pries his soggy thumb out of his mouth and buries his face in his blanket.

He’s still frozen on the couch half an hour later when there’s a knock on the door.  Antoni doesn’t get up or reach for his phone, which is vibrating again.  After a few minutes, the door opens.  He knows it’s Tan then, because he’s the only one with a key.

“Antoni?” the older man calls.  There are two sets of footsteps though, Tan and Karamo.  Antoni knows he only has second before they see him.  He buries his face in his blanket again.

“Antoni,” Tan says again.  It’s quieter this time.  Closer.

“’m sorry,” Antoni mumbles from behind the blanket.  He’s crying before he knows it’s happening.

“Love, you don’t have to be sorry,” Tan says.  “We were just worried about you.  You didn’t seem like you felt very well yesterday, and then you didn’t come in this morning and none of us could get you on the phone.”

“Not sick,” Antoni says.  Karamo gently tugs him into a sitting position, but he doesn’t pull the blanket away from his face.  Antoni’s grateful for that; he doesn’t want to see the looks on their faces.

Karamo’s hands don’t leave him though.  He slides into the spot now open behind Antoni and pulls the younger man against his chest.  Tan is still crouched beside the couch when Antoni finally manages to peak out several moments later.

“Hey, buddy,” Tan says gently.  “You’re having a hard time, huh?”

Antoni’s crying louder now.  “I’m not s’posed to be like this.”

“Like what?”

_“Small.”_

“Why not, honey?” Tan asks.

“’s wrong,” Antoni mumbles.  Karamo’s rocking him a little, barely enough for him to notice.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Tan promises. 

Antoni doesn’t respond.  He pulls his blanket over his head and tries not to shake too hard when Karamo pulls it over himself.  Tan adjusts his position in the floor and then joins them.  Soft light penetrates the fabric, and Antoni see there’s no disgust, no rejection on their faces.

“’m sorry,” Antoni says again.

“You don’t have to be sorry, baby,” Tan responds.  “We’ve got you.”


End file.
